Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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