the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
She even gives head with a lisp.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Randomize
