ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize