im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
she looked like the before picture.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Randomize
