you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
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