I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
