Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
