there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
