Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
I want her autograph on my taint
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Randomize
