shes about as inviting as chlamydia
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
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