He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
