I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
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