I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
