R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
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