Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
