you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
Green mimosas i think yes
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
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