if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize