it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
