This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
