i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
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