Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
Randomize
