You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
Ladies don't puke and tell
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Randomize
