It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
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