i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Randomize
