this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Randomize
