I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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