Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Randomize