i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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