Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
