Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
A+ Viking dick
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
