just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
Randomize
