oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
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