just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
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