True but thats because hes a fetus.
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Randomize
