Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
