I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
It's never too late to be topless.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Randomize
