We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
