and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
