I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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