Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
You ate ashes out of my bong
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
