Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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