I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
Holy sore nipples Batman
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Randomize