i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
farters have to be the big spoon...
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
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