that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
