So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
