I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
Randomize