I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
