i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
they're like a gay fantastic four
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
Rumble strips road head = magical
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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