I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
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