I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
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