Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
i came on her dog
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
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