I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
