I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Randomize
