I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
