I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Randomize
