i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Randomize
