All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
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