i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
