R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
Randomize
