For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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