I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
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