The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
