Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Randomize
