well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
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