Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
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