Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
Randomize
