i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
Randomize
