I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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