that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Randomize
