I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
