Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Randomize
