listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
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