My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
