Is it because I queefed?
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
