If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
