the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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