you turned your livingroom into a bong?
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize