Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize