you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
